|Posted on October 15, 2010 at 3:08 PM|
So I was flying back from a vacation in Florida with my friends Robyn and Carla, when Carla rips a page out of the airline magazine and hands it to me. “Here,” she says, “you need to call this place.” She had given me a one-page ad to a very exclusive matchmaking service “for the most eligible and commitment-minded bachelors.” I looked it over and my very first instinct was that it was a service created solely to match up older rich men with attractive younger gold diggers. I folded it up and put it in my bag and told her I would look into it, quietly thinking she would just forget about it in an hour.
I went home and continued to date one guy after another with various “issues,” including substance abuse, emotional and/or financial instability, uncontrolled ADD, and/or employment as a lawyer, which is pretty self explanatory. The continuous pattern of eager anticipation turned to utter disappointment started to really get to me and I wondered if I will ever meet someone decent.
As I laid on my couch enveloped in self pity switching through the TV channels, I stumbled across the “Millionaire Matchmaker.” She was attempting to fix up millionaire Anthony Cools, a famous hypnotist with a regular show on the Las Vegas strip, with a suitable mate. Now here’s the thing – I think he’s good looking and that hanging out with him would be a ball. Hmmm! I started to wonder how I could get on the show when I remembered that old ad I had laying around in my office. Could this be the way to go?
At the same time, Carla was up my butt to call the place, not to mention my friend Dawn emailed me the link to another similar agency. So figuring I had nothing to lose and a few friends to shut up, I sent in my information to the two agencies. I heard nothing for months and then they both called me for interviews the same week.
First I met Dee from agency number 1 at the Taj Hotel in Boston. She’s a little Barbie doll of a woman, with big blonde hair and even bigger boobs. We got a table in the café and she asked me about what I was looking for in a man, my likes/dislikes, etc. She then told me she had a client that she thought I should meet and explained how the service worked.
The females are called “affiliates” and never get to see a picture or even know much detail upfront about the male client in order to protect their privacy. What the agencies do is assemble a portfolio of potential mates for their clients, complete with detailed written backgrounds, information learned firsthand from the affiliate interview, and numerous pictures. The agency presents the portfolio to the client and they pick who they would like to meet. The agency then makes all the arrangements and does the debriefing after the date so there is no potential awkwardness. The affiliates pay nothing to be part of the network and the male clients pay thousands. Yes, that’s right, thousands!
Next she told me her client’s age – 56! I responded that I thought that was a bit too old, knowing that I typically think that guys my own age are even too old for me, and asked her if she had any clients closer to my age. She tells me all the guys my age are looking for women in their early 30’s (yikes!). She also tells me Burt is extremely active, loves to travel, and is very youthful for his age. So I gave her the heads up to set it up with Burt. What’s the worse that can happen after all?
Next, I met Ashley from agency number 2, who is also a complete Barbie doll. She gave me the run down about how her agency worked, which was basically identical to agency number 1’s description. She also interviewed me about my background and tells me she wants to fix me up with an Italian guy who is 50. I gave her the heads up too.
After the interviews, I didn’t hear anything from either agency and assumed the guys had chosen other women. After about six weeks, Dee gives me a call. It seems Burt was traveling around Europe and had just gotten back recently. He saw my information and was very interested in meeting me. Dee makes a reservation for us to have lunch at the Boston Harbor Hotel on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Now remember, I have absolutely no idea what this guy looks like, other than Dee telling me he looked a bit like Mark Harmon from CSI. So here I am, all dolled up looking around for this sophisticated Mark Harmon type. I finally ask the restaurant host if there was a man named Burt waiting to meet someone. “Yes,” says the gorgeous young man, “come right this way.” I walked outside wondering where Mark Harmon was sitting. The host walked me over to a table where a middle-aged accountant-type guy is sitting. One look at Burt and I knew this was not going to work.
Now it’s not that Burt was bad looking or that he wasn’t a nice guy. What he was, though, was much too old for me. I sat down and he had a bottle of champagne brought over. The man really is charming in many ways, but still, there is absolutely no way I could ever kiss this guy. So we sat there drinking the champagne and had a lovely lunch. We talked about travel, work, etc. Burt seemed very content to just sit there and talk. In fact, after four hours Burt is still talking away and I can’t figure out a polite way to get out of there. Thankfully, it started to sprinkle a bit, and since the place was outside, I had the perfect escape excuse. So I went to say goodbye and he said, “Let me walk you to your car.” OH NO! I explained that I did not park at the hotel, and in fact had parked over a mile away since it was a nice day and I wanted to get in a bit of a walk. He tells me that’s not a problem at all. HELP!
I’m walking with Burt, feeling like a jerk because I have absolutely no attraction to him. We walked along the Harbor Walk all the way to my car in South Boston. Burt then told me he has no idea how to get back to the hotel, so now I had to drive him there. When we arrived, he went in for the kiss and I blurted out “come give me a big hug” and turned real fast so he got the cheek. I left wondering how Dee could ever have thought I would be interested in Burt for a long-term relationship, but then I realized...it really is a service to fix up rich older men with younger more attractive women and Dee had obviously wrongly assumed I was a gold digger.
I told her I thought Burt was great but that he was obviously at a different “phase” in his life. She understood and told me she would keep me in her database for other potential clients. But in the end, I guess I did meet a great guy – just not like Anthony Cools or any of the hot guys you see on the television show – and it was by far not worse than any of the numerous horrible match.com dates I have been on over the years.
So do I recommend this type of service? Well I wouldn’t just use this service solely, but I think it is a potential option, particularly if you are indeed an attractive gold digger who wouldn’t mind meeting an older rich man.
What do you all think? Have you ever successfully used this type of service? Or would you consider it?
Categories: Joanne Giannini