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Dude... by Joanne Giannini

Posted on June 16, 2010 at 6:00 PM


There are millions of single guys in the world, all with very different values and outlooks on life, but the type that I always gravitate to the most is the “Dude.” Now I know they aren’t as pretty as the pumped-up gym rat, but really, how many times can I discuss high-intensity interval training? It gets old real fast. Plus they use up all my hair product and never replace it.

Oh, and those “good provider” types that I know I SHOULD be dating…been there, tried it, and it never works. I just believe there is more to life than sitting on a couch night after night glued to a TV. Plus, quite honesty, I say the word “fuck” on occasion (OK, maybe more than on occasion) and the good providers will just give me that judgmental look - you know, that raised eyebrow, disapproving look - whenever I say it. I’ve tried using the words “darn” and “fudge” instead, but sooner or later, and it’s usually sooner, a “fuck” is just gonna come rolling out. In the end, these types end up telling me how wild and crazy I am. In return, I’ll tell them what boring fuckers they are. Oops! There goes that word again!

So what is a “Dude” exactly? Made widely popular by the 1998 film, “The Big Lebowski,” dudeness isn’t as much a particular look as it is a way of life. In particular, I’ve discovered that they typically share several key characteristics:

• They have a large circle of guy friends that they regularly hang with and they typically all call each other “Dude,” “El Duderino,” or something along those lines.

• They either play on an organized sports team and/or seriously involved in some other type of sports activity.

• They believe the band “Tool” rules and long for its return.

• They think that Les Claypool from Primus is the best bassist EVA and will tell you this little tidbit of information…repeatedly.

• They watch Ultimate Fight Club and will organize whole evenings around it.

• Their clothing usually consists of jeans and tshirts, and on occasion, the backwards turned baseball hat. Note that this aforementioned clothing does not necessarily need to be clean – it just needs to pass the smell test.

• Like me, they also appreciate the word fuck and use it regularly.

• When they get drunk, which they do on a somewhat regular basis, they will do some crazy stuff, like take off their clothes and run around the house naked.

• When their friend passes out drunk, which they do on a somewhat regular basis, a Dude will usually shave their friend’s eyebrows off, paint stuff all over his face, or do something else to screw with him.

• They typically lack good organizational skills, unless it comes to the organization of some type of Dude activity.

• They live to have a good time and appreciate their freedom far more than their bank accounts.

Most importantly, Dudes have a very young spirit, which is what makes them so attractive to me. So what’s the problem with Dudes you ask? Well, again, they have a very young spirit, as in they have never really grown up, which oftentimes leads to commitment issues, financial problems, and things of that nature.

So let’s talk about my latest Dude. For lack of a better nickname, we will just call him Golf Dude. I had met my friend Rose for dinner in Providence and we decided to hit a local bar afterwards. I was just sitting there and in he walked. Typical to all Dudes, he was just so much fun to be around and I felt myself getting sucked into the vortex. Fast forward several months to the first time I see his place…the poster child of true Dude living (see picture). There was the picture of Elvis hanging on the wall right behind the giant net set up in the living room to catch golf balls, a collection of hundreds of live concert DVDs, and of course, a giant TV and incredible sound system. Beyond the mere Dudeness of his possessions, the place looked like you would need to go through it with 10 large garbage bags just to begin to make it somewhat presentable, never mind the piles of clothes, shoes, etc. thrown everywhere. As I stood there in shock, laughing at the sheer madness of it all, he popped in a Bad Company DVD and began dancing around. Was this all déjà vu, or could it be that I had seen many a Dude drunkenly dance around their cluttered living rooms? And why was it that I felt so strangely at home in this crazy environment?

As I joined him in a very poor sing along to Alice in Chains, I couldn’t help but wonder if in many ways I wasn’t a “Dudette.” Alas, a very organized and responsible Dudette, but a Dudette all the same. Maybe the truth is that I haven’t quite grown up myself yet…and given that I’m almost 44 now, I don’t know if that is ever going to change.

So this month’s question is, do you consider yourself to be a Dude? Or a Dudette? And do you think a Dude and Dudette can ever find true happiness together?

Categories: Dating for 40+ crowd, Joanne Giannini, Dating

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Reply Joanne Giannini
11:50 PM on July 5, 2010 
Dawn - Yeah, that is duct tape! Because one never knows when they will need duct tape! BTW, the reason I ultimately broke it off with Golf Dude is because he is only 36 and mistakenly told me that he broke up with his much older last girlfriend because he wanted kids someday. He told me this little tidbit of information before he really caught on that I'm too old to have kids myself! Kids mind you! This guy can't manage to put away the toilet paper and he thinks he is going to be able to raise kids someday! DUDE!!! Really!!!
Reply Dawn
11:20 PM on July 3, 2010 
Is that a roll of blue duct tape on the sofa? You never know when you might need a roll of duct tape! Beer bottles, shot glasses and duct tape. Oh my! The life of a dude. I will pass on the dude.
Reply Dr. Reno
10:36 AM on July 2, 2010 
Dudes suck. They are just little boys that haven't grown up. And just like little boys, they are true believers that there will always be a newer (younger), better (thinner, prettier) "toy" for them to play with each Christmas season. So ladies, do yourself a favor and go to rehab if you are a dude-magnet - or resign yourself to being constantly disappointed and tossed over for the next "toy" that comes along.

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