There are millions of single guys in the world, all with very different values and outlooks on life, but the type that I always gravitate to the most is the “Dude.” Now I know they aren’t as pretty as the pumped-up gym rat, but really, how many times can I discuss high-intensity interval training? It gets old real fast. Plus they use up all my hair product and never replace it.

Oh, and those “good provider” types that I know I SHOULD be dating…been there, tried it, and it never works. I just believe there is more to life than sitting on a couch night after night glued to a TV. Plus, quite honesty, I say the word “fuck” on occasion (OK, maybe more than on occasion) and the good providers will just give me that judgmental look - you know, that raised eyebrow, disapproving look - whenever I say it. I’ve tried using the words “darn” and “fudge” instead, but sooner or later, and it’s usually sooner, a “fuck” is just gonna come rolling out. In the end, these types end up telling me how wild and crazy I am. In return, I’ll tell them what boring fuckers they are. Oops! There goes that word again!

So what is a “Dude” exactly? Made widely popular by the 1998 film, “The Big Lebowski,” dudeness isn’t as much a particular look as it is a way of life. In particular, I’ve discovered that they typically share several key characteristics:

• They have a large circle of guy friends that they regularly hang with and they typically all call each other “Dude,” “El Duderino,” or something along those lines.

• They either play on an organized sports team and/or seriously involved in some other type of sports activity.

• They believe the band “Tool” rules and long for its return.

• They think that Les Claypool from Primus is the best bassist EVA and will tell you this little tidbit of information…repeatedly.

• They watch Ultimate Fight Club and will organize whole evenings around it.

• Their clothing usually consists of jeans and tshirts, and on occasion, the backwards turned baseball hat. Note that this aforementioned clothing does not necessarily need to be clean – it just needs to pass the smell test.

• Like me, they also appreciate the word fuck and use it regularly.

• When they get drunk, which they do on a somewhat regular basis, they will do some crazy stuff, like take off their clothes and run around the house naked.

• When their friend passes out drunk, which they do on a somewhat regular basis, a Dude will usually shave their friend’s eyebrows off, paint stuff all over his face, or do something else to screw with him.

• They typically lack good organizational skills, unless it comes to the organization of some type of Dude activity.

• They live to have a good time and appreciate their freedom far more than their bank accounts.

Most importantly, Dudes have a very young spirit, which is what makes them so attractive to me. So what’s the problem with Dudes you ask? Well, again, they have a very young spirit, as in they have never really grown up, which oftentimes leads to commitment issues, financial problems, and things of that nature.

So let’s talk about my latest Dude. For lack of a better nickname, we will just call him Golf Dude. I had met my friend Rose for dinner in Providence and we decided to hit a local bar afterwards. I was just sitting there and in he walked. Typical to all Dudes, he was just so much fun to be around and I felt myself getting sucked into the vortex. Fast forward several months to the first time I see his place…the poster child of true Dude living (see picture). There was the picture of Elvis hanging on the wall right behind the giant net set up in the living room to catch golf balls, a collection of hundreds of live concert DVDs, and of course, a giant TV and incredible sound system. Beyond the mere Dudeness of his possessions, the place looked like you would need to go through it with 10 large garbage bags just to begin to make it somewhat presentable, never mind the piles of clothes, shoes, etc. thrown everywhere. As I stood there in shock, laughing at the sheer madness of it all, he popped in a Bad Company DVD and began dancing around. Was this all déjà vu, or could it be that I had seen many a Dude drunkenly dance around their cluttered living rooms? And why was it that I felt so strangely at home in this crazy environment?

As I joined him in a very poor sing along to Alice in Chains, I couldn’t help but wonder if in many ways I wasn’t a “Dudette.” Alas, a very organized and responsible Dudette, but a Dudette all the same. Maybe the truth is that I haven’t quite grown up myself yet…and given that I’m almost 44 now, I don’t know if that is ever going to change.

So this month’s question is, do you consider yourself to be a Dude? Or a Dudette? And do you think a Dude and Dudette can ever find true happiness together?

There I was, single and at the freak show that is Vincent’s Nightclub in Randolph on an ordinary Saturday night, fully confident that I was not going to meet anyone even halfway worthwhile. Now it’s not that I hate this place – I honestly don’t. It’s a great place to go just to have fun with your friends, dance, and do some VERY serious people watching. I know of no other place where you can find a 50-year-old woman dressed in a half shirt and mini skirt standing alongside a guy sporting a head full of jerry curls and a velour shirt.

I was standing at the bar with Dawn when I turned around and he caught my eye. He was very tall with dark hair, huge brown eyes, and an extremely well-developed hockey butt. His name was Paul and he was just adorable. He told me he owned a health food and supplement store in a neighboring town and, as evidenced by his ability to crack walnuts between his butt cheeks, that he was very into health and fitness. He also told me he was 39 and owned a home in Dedham. So let’s summarize the situation here. Responsible – check! Common interests – check! Right age – check! Seriously smoking hot – double check!

We started dating and it was just great, but I did start to notice he was a BIT quirky. For example, on our first date he was wearing the same black dress shirt and black pants as when I met him. OK, no big deal. But then he wore the same thing on our second date, and our third, and our fourth… Basically the dude walked around dressed like a waiter. So of course I had to ask, “Do you own any other clothes”? He replied, “I also own two pairs of jeans, a couple of black t-shirts and a sweater, plus my gym clothes. It’s wasteful to own too much clothing.”

In keeping with his clothing is wasteful thinking, he didn’t wear any underwear, which is fine with me given that I’m normally commando myself, but one of his two pairs of jeans had a massive hole in the crotch. I asked him if MAYBE he thought he should buy a new pair of jeans or at least fix the hole and he said “Nah, no one notices anyhow.” You would think he would get a little cold with the wind blowing up around there but apparently this was not a concern. Still, he certainly looked ridiculously fantastic naked, so I decided I could get over it and we quickly settled into a little dating routine.

He would close down the store on weekend nights, put on the waiter outfit, and we would go out to eat somewhere nice. After that we would go back to my place, cuddle and watch TV, and he would leave in the morning and go directly to the store wearing his black t-shirt and crotch-less jeans. We would repeat this pattern over and over again every weekend.

So, after a couple of months, I finally had to ask him, “Why don’t we ever go to your house”? “Oh,” he said, “it’s really messy plus I don’t want you to be bothered with driving.” OK, figured I would let that slide along with the quirky clothes thing. Then another month passed by... so I asked again, “Gee, maybe we should go to your house this weekend.” “Nah, it’s still a mess,” he said.

It was at this point that I decided I had to do a little bit of detective work. I used a very high-tech investigative tool for this purpose. Now everyone pay attention here and write this down because I’m sure none of you have heard of this fascinating website before. It’s called GOOGLE. So I Google the guy and the first thing that pops up is that he really isn’t 39. No, he’s 45! Now I could understand if he was 54 and was afraid of me thinking he was too old for me, but I ask you all, what exactly is the purpose of him lying and saying he is YOUNGER than me by several years?? Next, I find an address for him and it’s the same as his parents. I confront him about these things, going so far as to tell him, “I’m giving you a get out of jail free card. Just tell me the truth.” Still, he continued to insist he was 39, owned a home in Dedham, and this “Google or whatever you call it” was wrong.

So I consult with Dawn on the matter and she suggested another highly sophisticated investigate method. Dawn plugged the parents’ address into a device called a GPS. This amazing little thing directs us and before very long we were slowly cruising by the house around midnight. As expected, his SUV was parked in the driveway and all the lights in the house were off, so one would assume everyone was inside sleeping. I again ask him, “Are you sure you don’t live with your parents and that you aren’t 45”? “Well, maybe I’m 45. But I really live by myself.” I told him I knew he was lying but he insisted that I was wrong. A little after that I got a text message from him “Joanne, I can’t date you anymore.” I tried to confront him on it, but he wouldn’t pick up the phone, answer any emails, etc. I never knew if he was really ashamed by his lies or if he had just stumbled upon the pictures from my most recent Cancun vacation. Hey, what can I say, tequila makes you do some crazy stuff!

Being middle-aged and divorced, the idea that someone approximately my own age could be a cellar dweller didn’t even occur to me initially. Unfortunately, I have now discovered this is a very common occurrence. When confronted, cellar dwellers will typically respond that they live with their parents because “they are older and need my help,” instead of the truth, which is usually “I’m lazy and my Mom makes a great meatloaf.”

As a result of that experience, I typically Google every guy I date right away just to verify that they truly are not a cellar dweller. Now I want to know…do you Google every person you are interested in dating, or do you just trust them initially until they raise a warning flag?

By Joanne Giannini

I was spending yet another Friday night at one of Quincy’s many bars with my friend Dawn. The crowd is very laid back and quiet this particular night, when out of seemingly nowhere, in walks this extremely hot guy. Now, this guy isn’t JUST hot. No, no, no…I’m talking about an “ouch, don’t touch him because he’s on fire,” kinda smoking hot here! He’s around 6’2”, very muscular, chiseled features, with eyes that could melt you away. Next thing I know, he walks right across the bar and up to me. Hello!!

Dawn and I were meeting our friends Carla and Jen at Scarsfield’s around 11:00 p.m., another one of Quincy’s finest bars well known for its cheap alcohol and pungent smell of old beer and urine. So I ask Mr. Smoking Hot Guy if he would like to go too, and he appears to be thrilled, and off we go to Scarsfield’s. We spend much time talking, I am happy to discover that we have a great deal in common. We are both recently divorced, the same age, into fitness, etc.

However, after talking with him a bit more, I ALSO learned that he is in Quincy tonight because he was across the street at some sort of self-improvement seminar. It appears that he walked out in the middle of the session. Interesting… Then, right in the middle of our conversation, this little woman walks in and tells him he has to leave. Hmmm, this all seemed just a wee bit odd! He now tells me that participants of this self-help seminar are not allowed to drink or socialize outside the group. Again, all this is very, very strange. In fact, even in light of his obvious hotness, this was too weird even for me!

So, Sunday night he calls me and I tell him I don’t think it’s a good idea if we date given our distance (he lived an hour and half away), although the real issue is that I think there is something just off about him. Fast forward about six months. He sees my profile on Match.com and calls me. He tells me we are an 80% match. He also tells me that he was just voted as one of his city’s Most Eligible Bachelors. Well, if a whole city thinks he is worthy, maybe it is worth me taking a second look! After all, he is sooo smokin’ hot! So, we begin to date and it’s good - really good if you know what I mean. In fact, I’m beginning to fall for the guy in a big way.

And then he pulls a disappearing act! POOF! Vanished! Until, that is, I get a text message. It said, “Im so intense I sometimes scare myself! And NOTHING scares me. I go 2 hell & fck the devil & spit in his face!” Mind you, I get this message at around 2:30 a.m. on a Friday night. OK, I think, maybe it’s all just a metaphor of some type! So…I leave him a couple of phone and text messages and no response. That is until Sunday night around 1:00 a.m., when I hear my phone buzzing and there is yet another text message from him. This one said, “The devil is a coward! Is afraid of me! I will knock him out.”

WHOA…What is that all about? I mean really, the DEVIL? Are you all catching this? The guy is going to knock out Satan!! So, there can only be two explanations: (1) that he is certifiably crazy, or (2) he wants me to believe he is certifiably crazy. Either way, not good! Again, I try calling him and no response.

The lesson learned here is to always trust your initial instincts. If someone initially seems like a Devil F**cker, well, they probably are! So what do you all think? Is the DF really crazy or does he just act crazy when it’s convenient to get out of relationships?

Back at few years ago, I was out and about one night at East Bay Grille in Plymouth, a location well known as middle-aged divorcee heaven during the summer months. I was having a great time with my girlfriend Laura when Sean approached us. Sean was a great guy and we spent much of the night talking and discovered we had much in common. He walked me to my car and was very excited to get my number, promising to call so we could see each other again. Well, one week went by and nothing, then another, and another…so I wrote him off assuming I would never hear from him again.

Fast forward about one year later... I’m sitting at home one night and the phone rings. I don’t recognize the number but decide to pick it up anyhow. The voice on the other line greets me with “Hi, it’s Sean.” OK, I think, “Sean, hmmm, guy I met last Friday at The Fours, nah, I’m pretty sure his name was Tim” when he adds, “You know, Sean from East Bay.”

Then it hits me…it’s not the guy I met last week, it’s the guy I met LAST YEAR. So I reply “Oh, Sean, it’s been a while. I didn’t think you were going to call me” to which he replies, “Well, I’ve been really busy with work and stuff, but I have tomorrow off and I was thinking of heading over to Martha’s Vineyard. It’s Shark Week you know. Wanna go?” SHARK WEEK! Are you kidding me? This guy falls off the face of the earth for a year and now he wants me to go look at sharks with him?!? He can’t be serious! But alas, he was indeed very, very serious.

Well, I turned him down and haven’t heard from him since, but based on this event and others like it that have happened to me and my friends continually, we have discovered a unique phenomena that we now call Shark Week. It basically happens a few times a year…right around Memorial Day weekend when everyone first comes out to play, at the end of Summer/beginning of fall before everyone goes into hibernation, and somewhere around the holiday season. These are the times that guys suddenly pull their heads out of their butts and decide that they want an actual relationship.

During these brief periods, every exboyfriend, past encounter, or booty boy gone bad suddenly reappears wanting to “hang out.” Based on my extensive research, the most prominent Shark Week period is during the end of September/beginning of October. This is when the sharks go into a total feeding frenzy, calling every number they have stored in their cell phones. It’s like some internal alarm goes off and then “Hey, that little blonde girl wasn’t half bad. Wonder what she’s doing?”

So folks, here’s the poll. Women, do you notice far more contact from guys during these three time periods? And men, do you find yourself wanting a relationship more during Shark Week periods?

Back about a year ago I started dating a seemingly sweet guy who seemed perfect for me. He was newly out of a marriage and certainly not ready for anything very serious. But at the same time, he strongly gave the impression that we were exclusive as far as "intimate" issues went. So, three months into this relationship I had a party and, as expected, many pictures are taken. As typical, I posted a bunch of the pictures on my Facebook page.

 Now, not thinking anything of it, I "tag" him in these pictures so they show up on his Facebook page. Next thing I know he has "untagged" himself and sends me an email saying that he just looks too FAT in all the pictures! Hmmm…looked exactly the same in that picture with Bob swigging down those beers! This is when it hit me…he was seeing other people and untagged the pictures so people wouldn’t see him with me!

What Facebook did was save me from wasting time with someone who clearly wasn’t on the same page as I was. This guy obviously wanted to "have his cake and eat it too" as the saying goes and now I knew it and adjusted my feelings and expectations accordingly.

Ah, there are just so many Facebook stories! My friend Peggy started dating a guy who was seriously laying it on thick. He went on and on about how he wasn’t dating anyone else, was looking for a serious relationship, etc. Well, what did my friend do? She checked out his Facebook page and there he was in a picture with another woman all over him on the very same day he had canceled a date with her because "his Mom is in the hospital." She printed out the page and took it to their next date. She asked him, "Are you sure you aren’t dating anyone else" to which he replied "no, absolutely not." So she pulls out the picture and says "well, what’s this then"? The guy says to her "well, I just started dating her." Are you kidding me? I guess "absolutely not" really meant "absolutely yes" in this guy’s vocabulary! Again, Facebook to the rescue!

In today’s social network crazed world, want to know how you can tell you are in an honest to goodness mutually committed relationship? It is the day when you and the person you are dating BOTH put "in a relationship" as your status and have links to each other’s page. That shows that neither one of you is hiding anything from your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends, co-workers, family members, buddies, and so forth that you proudly call your Facebook friends. Until that day it’s best to consider yourself in a more casual dating relationship.

So here comes the dating dilemma…When is it appropriate to move to this step? Do couples need to sit down over dinner and have the "Facebook talk" now? Just talking about it seems to be one step away from reserving the hall! Heck, I’ve been dating someone for a few months now and I’m afraid to even make him my Facebook friend until I’ve had a chance to really go through and "boyfriend sanitize it" of all the numerous pictures, comments, links, etc. that may get the hamster in his head running too fast!

Got any of your own Facebook stories to share? leave us your thoughts below!

Back when I was in my twenties, life was pretty simple. I would go to a bar with my friends on a Friday night, get a good buzz going, and suddenly transform into a Madonna backup dancer. Eventually, some guy would come over and talk to me, usually about 15 minutes before the place closed. I would talk to him for those last 15 minutes and then give him my phone number. If there was no phone call by Thursday, I knew there wasn’t going to be one. Rejection, painful, final, and right in time to repeat the whole cycle again on the next Friday night. Yahoo!

Somehow I managed to get and stayed married for 10 years, but alas it ended in divorce and I re-entered the dating world. And to my great surprise, it changed…ALOT! Forget the fact that I’m 43 now instead of 23 and the challenge that brings in and of itself, but what really changed is dating technology! First, there are the social networking sites, such as Facebook and MySpace. I joined MySpace after being invited by one of my "real-life" friends. Next thing I knew, I was being bombarded by friend requests from guys I didn’t know who apparently wanted to know me.

The idea of being hit on by random guys was strange enough, but it gets better. I was sitting in front of my computer on MySpace and one of my new "friends" sends me an instant message. I had no idea this feature even existed until that moment. Next thing I know, I’m having a webcam conversation with the guy. About 15 minutes into the conversation, he asks to see my boobs and sends me an uninvited picture of his penis. Total time from friend request approval to friend removal and blockage…30 minutes! You see, 20 years ago the guy actually had to pick you up, take you out, and THEN ask to see your boobs in person before you could write him off as a jerk!

The other thing that changed was that guys rarely ever call on a phone anymore. Why bother when nowadays they can communicate using instant messages, emails, and my personal favorite, text messages. I especially love getting the standard "Good Morning Sexy" text message. You know the guy just typed it once and then sent it to a bunch of women all at the same time.

All this new technology put an end to the standard one-week rejection cycle! Now there is a whole lot of what I like to call "dating limbo." Before-no call by Thursday, dude is done, gone, next! Now-you meet a guy on Friday, he sends a "What’s up?" text on Monday, followed by a "Good Morning Sexy" text on Friday and Monday. This pattern continues on for weeks. The question is, is he really interested and just extremely busy or throwing you out a bone to hold you for "backup" in his stable of available women? I think a guy is gone for good and then boom, the "Good Morning Sexy" text arrives. With text message, they can just throw it out there and see what happens!

What do you all think? Have advancements in technology made dating easier or harder? Vote in our online poll. Have advancements in technology made dating easier or harder?(surveys)